Tales from the Shark Tank

Our boy has been watching the Star Wars prequel trilogy, chosen as his reward for his grades. One of the villains uses a two-ended lightsaber, wielding it essentially like a quarterstaff. (Sometime medieval reenactor that I am, I find myself analyzing his style and technique, but that’s another story.) So he decided he wanted to try to fight with a staff. His chosen partner, of course, was me.

But then there was the small matter of what to use for a staff. No problem – he has K’Nex. So he strings together a bunch of them to make two staffs. They are very light and very flexible, unlikely to hurt anyone. They also don’t hold together very well. So if the wielder moves too fast, or in the wrong direction, the things simply fall apart.

So we faced off, whereupon much laughter ensued. He would swing, and I would block, and pieces of both staffs would go tumbling. Or I would snap a feint, only to have one eight-inch section of the staff stay in my hands while the rest landed on the floor. I suppose, though, that it really is an ideal weapon. It’s hard to hurt anyone when your weapons self destruct if they come into contact with anything, or even with nothing if you swing them too quickly. I can’t help wondering how Robin Hood’s story would have differed if Little John’s staff had been made of K’nex.

Our son just made the straight-A honor roll.

It’s a good thing I don’t have buttons; they’d have burst. And when I think about where we started with him, I am in awe of his accomplishment.

My son was waiting for me to put my shoes on and go outside to play kickball with him. After several checks at 2-second intervals, I finally said “I have one shoe on, and the other in my hand. I will get done faster if I don’t have to keep giving you a blow-by-blow report. Patience, child!”

Then I had to adjust the shoe laces on shoe number two, so it took perhaps a whole minute. I was putting it on my foot when I heard “I’m being patient.” I didn’t answer, being folded in half and engaged in tightening said laces.

“Did you hear me, Mom?” came floating from over by my bedroom door. “I’m being really patient!”

And then he wondered why I burst out laughing.