Archive for December, 2007

Onward and Sideways

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007

Our son starts his winter vacation tomorrow; we will go into Indianapolis on Saturday morning. That’s good timing, as he’ll get to spend time with his Papa (my dad) before things get too horrible. Dad starts radiation tomorrow, to go on, as I understand it, for six weeks, assuming he can tolerate it. We’ll see.

But I am learning the pervasiveness of this sort of worry. Even when I’m not thinking about it consciously, it’s still there, barely below the surface, reminding me of itself in response to all sorts of things. The only certainty is that everything is uncertain and subject to change without notice, and that’s a really uncomfortable place to be.

There Are Worse Things

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

The other day, as I was getting ready to go to an SCA performance and early music workshop, I noticed that Miss Cloud had cut her back foot rather badly. It was a case of “anything I can get loose is a cat toy.” In this case, she’d knocked my husband’s razor into the bathroom sink and then stepped on it. So I called, and then popped the little fluff-brain into her carrier and took her off to the vet. We weighed her (eight pounds, 7 1/2 months old and still growing), and then the vet came in, and I had the dubious privilege of holding her mostly still while the doc messed with that hurt paw. She blotted at it with cotton, but it was bleeding too heavily for her to get a good look at the injury itself. After about 4 unsuccessful attempts to at least slow it down, she was getting frustrated, and muttered “Damn. That’s bleeding like a son-of-a-b****.” Then she glanced up and apologized to me, looking genuinely abashed.

My generation is one that cussed in high school and college as an expression of individuality, and when you come right down to it I am not terribly offended by such language. If I had been, practicing family law would have cured it. I’ve even been known to use four letter words myself upon occasion. (I’m sure you’re simply shocked.) It always amuses me that people consistently apologize to me when they use such colorful language in my presence. So when the young vet did so I told my oldest friend about it and asked if I had “Lady” floating above my head like a neon hologram or something.

“Of course you do” she said. “You always have.”

Ed. note: Cloud is fine. The vet closed the cut with surgical glue, put antibiotic powder on it, and bandaged it the way they do when a cat gets declawed. She wandered around for a few days using the bandage to thump on assorted surfaces as if they were drums, and then my girl-friend and I held her still and cut the thing off her fur. She hasn’t learned a thing, though. I caught her this afternoon, trying to paw the offending razor out of the basket my husband had put it in. Now it’s in the medicine cabinet. She’ll need opposable thumbs to open that, and I don’t think she’ll evolve one any time soon.

Flying Clean-up

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

My husband had something go wrong in the kitchen and began to comment on it when he realized that our son was in earshot. So what I heard was “Son of a b….biscuit eater!”

Invisible Potholes

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

There is a woman here who has become quite a good friend. Her sons play well with mine; that is where we began, sharing the vicissitudes of raising boys with non-standard wiring. She’s intelligent and curious and interested in everything, for all she has no more formal education than high school – unusual in my world among women my own age. Our life experiences couldn’t be more different, in a lot of ways – I with years of lawyering behind me and she being an over-the-road trucker until her kids came along, but each of us with experience in working in a profession that was and often still is dominated by men, hers even more so than mine. We laugh a lot together, provide each other with adult company, each trust our child or children with the other – a huge gift when we’ve each had the experience of turning our kids over to a caregiver who did not know how to handle them, or did not listen to us and made a situation that was already stressful for the kid infinitely worse.

And yet every so often I hit a pothole I didn’t know was there. My son’s been given a book to read for school. That’s nothing unusual; that’s how they’re handling reading this year, having them read actual books instead of stories written just for the reading book. I was looking over his homework when he was done, and some of the questions raised alarm bells, so I asked him for the book and read it through. My friend came to get her boys, found me reading it, and asked me why I looked disturbed. So I told her – it’s based on the Christmas Story and is not only overtly Christian, but has as its moral that coming to understand and accept Christianity is redemptive. “I have nothing against such literature” I told her “but it is for parents to choose, or church Sunday schools. It has no place in a public school. And I’m not looking forward to being the one who has to go in and be the bad guy, telling this overwhelmingly Christian community that I’m going to insist they be mindful of overtly religious messages in choosing their assigned reading.”

“Well, if they were handing my kids something I flat out didn’t want them taught, I’d be making a stink” she said, and I know she would; I’ve seen her, calm and articulate, speaking to an audience of upwards of 1000 people explaining why truck drivers wouldn’t use another toll road if it were built. “If someone were trying to teach my boys about evolution, you bet they’d be hearing from me.” I blinked. I knew she’d been raised Seventh Day Adventist; I knew that her family was very strict about their observances. But I truly had not expected that. I’ve been teaching her sons how to use the computer to research science questions that occur to them, introducing them to the NASA and NOAH websites and how to figure out what resources might be available. (We have heavy parental permission filters on the computer they’re allowed to use.) She’s delighted by that, by the fact that I have not only the inclination but the education to help her boys, where all she knows how to do is encourage their interest. And yet she tells me, in all seriousness, that she does not want them exposed to the idea of evolution.

We’ve been here before, when I asked her what kind of movies she was ok with her kids watching and she said I should not expose them to Harry Potter, because “magic is evil”. I’ve told her, kind of in passing, that while Evil as portrayed in the books does use magic, so does Good, and that what makes it one or the other is purpose and intent. I also told her, after I’d finished Deathly Hallows, that the defeat of Evil as personified by Voldemort was made possible by his own hubris – that essentially he set himself up for it. She was glad to know that, but still is very nervous about the books.

It is a surprise every time I fall into one of those potholes because in other things she is far from conservative. She is of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with same-sex relationships, and that in fact people in such relationships should be permitted to marry with all the legal rights that confers, should be permitted to adopt and raise children. “What counts for a kid is a loving home, not whether it’s a man and a woman, two women, or two men” she told me, talking about it one day. We are entirely agreed on that. We agree on equal rights issues, and that “equal” should include not only the right to do the same work and receive the same pay regardless of gender, but the right to choose to focus on parenting regardless of gender, that those decisions should be made between the partners solely. We agree on personal responsibility, on health care, on the current war(s), on any number of things. She giggled with me over a bumper sticker that asked that someone provide W. with oral gratification so we can impeach him. Our rules for our children are near to identical. She kept J. for a couple of days when I had surgery so that I could rest, and took in my husband and son when our power went out in a storm, when I was in Rockford in August. We are very similar in our thinking in many, many things. So it is always with a sense of shock at impact that I stumble into one of those invisible potholes, when I realize just how alien the background she comes from really is to me. I’m just grateful that one of the things we agree on is that we don’t have to agree on everything, we just need to be respectful each of the other. But then, if we didn’t agree on that, we wouldn’t be friends.

True Enough

Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

I just read over a Hebrew School paper of my son’s, whereon he was asked to list something the Torah said about milk and meat.

His response, printed clearly on the page? “You can’t milk a dead cow.”

Classic Kid

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Our son was reading one of his multitudinous weather books last night, and asked me about the origins of “red sky at morning, sailors take warning.” I explained that certain winds came along with the atmospheric conditions that create a red sky at dawn, and that this was of great concern to sailors a long time ago when ships were driven by sails.

“You mean in prehistoric times?” asked my son “In the early 1900′s?” Yep, that’s right, son, when your great-great-grandfather drove a produce wagon pulled by dinosaurs.

Now That’s Determination…or Something

Wednesday, December 5th, 2007

I just saw someone cruise past our house on a snowmobile. He’s running on the half-inch of additional snow that has fallen on the road since it was fully clear. There is so little snow that I could, if I wished to, walk on it in clogs without getting my heels wet. Snowmobiling on that seems remarkably silly to me, somehow.

More of Age and Treachery

Tuesday, December 4th, 2007

My husband being home today endeavoring to dispose of a cold expeditiously, we were indulging in a post-bus-departure cuddle. I sat up to get ready to go meet a friend just as Sophia sauntered in, closely pursued by Cloud in full pounce-kitten mode. Six months old now, she is nearly as large as the adult cats but still very much a kitten. So somewhere in that walnut-sized mind, she decided to pounce on Sophia from behind. Junior-cat stopped. Crouched briefly. Settled her hindquarters. Sprang! Sophia acted as if she were completely oblivious, right up to the last.

Whereupon Senior-cat dropped neatly into “meatloaf” pose, laying her chin flat on her front paws. That left Junior-cat to sail neatly over her target, to crash into the foot of the bed and bounce off. She sat up blinking, then looked up at me as if to say “How did that happen?” And as I sat there laughing aloud, she began to wash.

Roofed Again?

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

The other day it snowed, then warmed up just enough for the precipitation to turn into freezing rain, and then thawed the next day. The end result of all that was that the yard was swampy, to say the least. I was pretty sure the cats wouldn’t like that muddy slush on their paws, and sure enough Sophia, the senior cat, came back in about ten minutes after she’d asked to go out. But Tornado did not, and was still out there when I left to pick J. up from Hebrew School and take him to his best friend’s house for a play date. I knew there were several structures with openings large enough to admit her in which she could take shelter if she wished, and didn’t worry too much.

By the time we got home, rather later than I’d hoped, it was fully dark and the wind was picking up. I was rather surprised that a small black cat didn’t come racing to the door as I pulled up, as that is her usual practice when she hears my car if she is out in bad weather. But I gathered up my things, opened the car door, and headed for the house.

I’d taken no more than two steps when I heard the urgent meows. It was unmistakably Tornado calling, but she wasn’t coming and I couldn’t spot her. Finally I thought to look up, and sure enough, there she was, at the edge of the roof in the spot from which I’d fished her down so many times in her kittenhood, waiting for me. Clearly, she had taken the tree-to-roof road again, with identical results. I know she can jump that now; I’ve seen her do it, so I can only conclude that she disdained to splash down into the pud-muddle that was our yard. But she was quite willing to come to me and let me lift her down, not extending her claws or struggling even though I could not grasp her in any approved fashion, I could only wrap a hand around her and basically direct her toward my shoulder. She was very pleased to be brought inside, licking my ear and purring before running off to get a bite to eat.

A brain the size of a walnut has definite limitations. At least she remembers that when her human pulls her down, she’s being rescued. Considering that she is now a fully grown, fully armed huntress, that’s a very good thing.

The Centipede Upstairs

Monday, December 3rd, 2007

Life is pretty quiet at the moment. I finally got to spend a weekend at home, cut out a couple of things I want to sew, put backing on an embroidery project I had otherwise finished a good ten months ago, and generally did things that I enjoy. (This is of course in contrast to things I need to do, like housekeeping.) Everything isn’t resolved; in fact very little is resolved, but everything is kind of at stasis for now.

I can only conclude I’ve been living my life at an appalling stress level for far too long, because instead of simply enjoying the peace I find I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop. Note that I don’t say the other shoe. There are already a great many more than a single pair of shoes scattered about the metaphoric floor. I was thinking about that, and I’ve concluded that there must be a centipede living in an alternate dimension nearby, dropping its shoes one by one. It must be the Imelda Marcos of centipedes, too, because even for a centipede it has disposed of a lot of shoes. It’s been working on getting rid of them for years now. I just wish I could think of a way to communicate that where it is dumping its problem-shoes isn’t a closet, it’s my life. I doubt its malicious – instruments of fate generally aren’t. I suspect it’s just unaware. But interdimensional communications being what they are – or aren’t – I know of no way to convey that message. So I guess I’m just stuck keeping one ear cocked for the sound of falling shoes, and reminding myself to relax until they fall.