Last night a friend and I were playing the “what to do if we won the lottery” game. I had a list of things ready at the tip of my tongue, as there is a fair collection of stresses in my life that money would resolve. When I ran down, she said “but what do you want for yourself? Everything you’ve listed is for someone else.”
It brought me up short. I haven’t actually thought much about what I want for myself since I didn’t get into med school in about 1979. I’ve done what other people thought I should want, or what I felt obligated to do. Oh, there have been things I wanted with all my heart and did; I wanted to marry my husband that much, and I wanted my son perhaps more passionately, if that’s possible. But I haven’t done anything professionally that I particularly wanted to do since I walked away from history/ academia. I keep going, yes, but out of practicality rather than any particular interest.
But I’ve been thinking about it since she raised the question, and I think I do know, at least short term, what I want. I want the time, and the leisure, to figure out what I would actually be happy doing. I’m a damned good lawyer, if I do say so myself. I take satisfaction out of doing things no one else can manage, and while a lot of lawyers don’t bring creativity to the practice, I do. But I don’t really enjoy it, and haven’t for years now. So if ever I win the lottery, that’s the gift I’ll give myself. I will give myself time.
I would quit my job and study the guitar and fiddle. Then I would travel across Wales and Ireland, like a modern day Taliesin, playing music. I would sit in with sets in Pubs where ever I was that particular night. Ireland has made the pubs smokefree recently. Maybe I would even sing. Sometimes, the thought of such an adventure gets me through a day of lawyering.
Take care.
Love,
Kerry